As I was driving home from my final trip to Ralph’s, in preparation for tomorrow’s Super Bowl party at my good friend Orren Herold’s house, (big Cardinals fan – from Phoenix – got the mustache to prove it) it hit me – I have been blatantly negligent when it comes to this here blogging thing for the entire week. Sure, it’s basically just a slew of run-on sentences in which I ramble about a bunch of malarky anyway, but dammit, if I’m gonna spend the time to take my award-winning photos and scribble down barely legible notes, I need to take some initiative and post that shit. Who’s with me?! I typically don’t subscribe to the exclamatory punctuation, especially when it’s involves an interrogative statement, but that just felt right so I went with it.
Okay, here we go. One long blog entry which summarizes my entire last week of January.
Monday – Boot camp = kinda boring. You know, we’re into week 3 now and the suit makes me sweat. A lot. In addition to running our half-mile laps, we did mix it up I guess with some partner training. I matched up with Amy, or as you may better know her from earlier posts, the girl who coined the expression, “weight weighs more than muscle”. We did three sets of each of the following exercises for as many reps as we could in one minute: Squat Press with the rubber band thingies – Sit ups – Jumping Lunges – Burpees. Curious as to how I fared? Well, here ya go.
Squat Presses – 20, 27, 23
Sit ups – 16, 12, 8 (Yep, still not real strong in this category)
Jumping Lunges – 16, 12, 11 (These hurt me buttocks)
Burpees – 11, 10, 9 (For those who’ve never experienced these, you start standing up, get down and do a push up, then jump up with your arms straight up in the air twice and then repeat the process)
It’s my understanding that we’ll be doing this again before the end of the boot camp and noting our improvement, or lack thereof. I just pray squat thrusts don’t make a surprise appearance over the course of the last 2 weeks.
Tuesday – This day was a lot more exciting cause I had to do some more shootin’ with the fun folks at Fox for the skit involving me and my boy boobs. We did our little movie makin’ in Studio City, and although it was for the same skit, on today’s call sheet my part received a different name.
Even with a three day layoff and the part name change, I was able to get right back into character. It's what all the great ones do.
This was a real nice 2 1/2 hours of “work” I tell ya. Not sure when it’s going to air, but it will either be on tonight’s (Saturday, January 31st) show – 11/10 C on FOX or next week’s show – Saturday, February 7th.
Here’s what the weather looked like that day. Not too shabby for January 27th I must say.
You can't tell in this shot, but it was pretty windy in Studio City that day.
Since I was able to scoot from set much earlier than I had anticipated, my afternoon was freed up to do some serious lounging and tubing at the ole domicile. Now, I don’t know about any of you, but I do love me some judge shows. There must be at least 8-10 different ones on throughout the day and they appeal to every demographic it seems. On this particular day, I focused my efforts on Judge David Young and his compelling case involving a woman suing her former hairstylist for a botched weave that caused her hair to fall out and gave her a scalp infection. In case you weren’t lucky enough to catch this episode, please allow me to share these screen grabs which help explain the case of plaintiff Shimere Johnson versus defendant Waleed (yep, he’s a one name only kinda stylist).
I can't offer empathy, only sympathy.
Even though this is probably the 37th time he's tried a case regarding a botched weave, Judge David Young still listens intently to Shimere's opening statements.
As you can tell, Waleed the hairstylist did not agree with what Shimere had to say.
Um, yeah - that's Shimere's scalp. I'd say he fucked it up all right.
Following some awesome facial expressions from a frustrated Waleed and many a shed tear from visibly shaken Shimere, the honorable Judge Young found in favor of the plaintiff and awarded Shimere something like $4,000. This covered not only her required scalp surgery that resulted from the bad weave, but also lost wages and pain and suffering. Who knew a weave could do so much damage?
Wednesday – Oh, we’re half way there. Whoa, livin’ on a boot camp prayer. At the midway point I’m weighing in at a still fat, yet handsome as all get out, 230 lbs. So, it’s minus 9 from my starting weight and hopefully it continues to work its way even lower as these next weeks unfold. Today involved the bleachers in the park and the following exercises: dips, push me ups, more Burpees, 1/2 mile laps and more resistance exercises with the bands. Nothing too much different than other days. Also similar to other days, was the question that was posed as I was stretching at the end of class. Lemme back up. I started wearing these neoprene sleeves on my calves during the last boot camp because I began to develop shin splints as a result of continual running on hard surfaces. Well, they kinda look like spats more than anything, but I must have been asked at least 5 times now if they’re socks. Yeah, I wear bright red socks every day. In fact, this same pair every class.
Mine are red, but you get the idea.
There is visible space between the ankle and the support sleeve so I’m just confused as to why everyone thinks there socks. Okay, I’m done being sensitive about my shin supports.
Let’s talk about the girl who mentioned to Dustin that after wearing the suit in class, she goes home and feels very cold and “almost sick” when she takes it off. She wondered aloud if she maybe had the flu. Hmmmm…. I never so much as even opened an Organic Chemistry book in college and don’t even have too many doctor friends, but I’m pretty sure my curbside diagnosis tells me that she is – um, how should I say this? It’s, well… are you sitting down? I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but…. you’re dehydrated. I know, it’s always hard to hear it at first, but you’ll get used to hearing it and maybe even saying it eventually. It doesn’t take a great deal of deductive reasoning to figure out you just need to replenish your fluids dipshit. Remember all that sweating you did just a mere 20 minutes earlier? Yeah, might want to replace some of that with a glass or twelve of water.
I could not have imagined that this late afternoon’s TV watchin’ would provide me with something as great as the previous day, but alas I was mistaken. Cause what I witnessed this day was the best high speed chase I’d ever seen in my five years as a resident of CA. It involved a chick, a U-Haul, multiple freeways and sheriff and police cruisers and little under two and a half hours. Now, I came on to the scene about 45 minutes into the chase, but what began at 2:56 PM local time, I watched up until it’s end at 5:20 PM and it did not disappoint. Here’s a looksie at the route she took that covered almost 14o miles, during which she exceeded 85 mph on multiple occasions and wowed the local newcasters with her precision driving skills (only clipping the mirror off of one BMW)- and including an amazing swerve to avoid spike strips and a brief trip to the other side of the road around Point Mugu (pronounced like the blind cartoon guy).
The news reported that a man and a woman had been detained by police and that the woman jumped into the U-Haul and sped off. They began to chase her because she wasn’t on the contract, thus she was stealing the truck. Awesome.
I'll give her credit. If you're gonna be engaged in a police chase, there are lot less scenic things to take in than the Pacific Ocean out your driver side window.
I thought for sure she was headed for the outlet malls, but the lack of gas forced her to pit in Somis, CA.
Once the U-Haul ran outta gas, she tried "running" over to this car and jacking it, but it was to no avail cause them doors was locked.
Breakdown. Takedown. You're busted.
Ma’am, I hate to kick a girl when she’s down, but did you really think you were gonna outrun us in a U-Haul with every news copter hovering overhead?
Oddly enough, it was later reported that she was under the influence.
No wonder that thing cornered like it was on rails.
This made up for my shitty trip to the DMV earlier in the day when I discovered I could no longer receive an extension for my smog certification and that beginning February 1 I would have to pass the smog test after investing in some fancy auto mechanic work or risk driving with an expired registration. Oof.
I knew when the nice woman at the front desk handed me this piece of paper and told me I was the next number, it was all too good to be true.
Sweet ride I seens at the DMV in Santa Monica.
Think the odds are pretty good that the person who parked in this spot was by no means physically disabled, yet merely chose to park here cause they had the placard?
Thursday – I have no recollection of anything I did this day.
Friday – I awoke at 7:15 AM to Brian McKnight’s Sunrise Serenade on 94.7 FM and his rendition of Kenny Loggin’s “Sweet Reunion” to some lady caller. It’s the only station that comes in on my shitty clock radio, but I don’t mind it when I get little gifts like that. That guy can flat out sing and he’s real smoove wiff da ladies.
Boot camp was circuit training with Cazzie serving as our sub. Dustin was enroute to AZ for the Super Bowl. Lots of sweating, the little spindly guy, Goober Guy, wore a hip stocking cap the entire class and kept lamenting about how hot it was. Here’s an idea – take off your fuckin’ winter hat, douchebag. Oh, and next time, maybe try working out without the Ipod and headphones so you can actually hear the instructor when she tells you to switch exercises. It’s just an idea, I’m sure you do this all the time in your yoga classes, right?
Saturday – I began at 8 AM and visited 3 different mechanics in an effort to fix my Corolla so she’ll pass the smog test. One adjusted timing and a new EGR Tranducer valve later, we’ve yet to get it tested. Tune in Monday to see what happens.
I also managed to put on my new vanity plates.